Charlie Darwin Beecher

 I hate so badly that I'm writing Charlie's birth story 4 1/2 months later.... I blame it on 2020!a

My due date for baby boy (he remained nameless until he was born) was July 7, 2020. I thought I would go early FOR SURE! I had gone into labor early with all the others. Chelsea was due a few days before me, and we had big plans to give birth together--lol. 

I started going into prodromal labor at the end of June--I would cramp, then nothing. And so on, and so on, and so on. I had my membranes stripped twice, I was going to regular prenatal chiropractic appointments with the Webster technique to make sure baby stayed in the optimal position. I was super paranoid after Hattie's birth that he would stay head down and drop properly. 

It was so exhausting--mentally and physically to have labor pains and other signs of labor and then have it come to a dead stop. This went on for weeks.  I was dilated to a 2 and 70% effaced on June 30 and my doctor thought he might just see me back that Friday--ha! 

I was also really wanting Dr. Chalmers to deliver me. I have been preparing for a VBAC and I felt the most support from him.  Let's back up a little bit. 

During my pregnancy with Charlie, I read "How to Heal a Bad Birth." I highly recommend it! I had some birth trauma issues from Hattie's birth that I needed to work through. I was able to release some fears and move past some of the issues that I didn't realize were still causing me anxiety. I was also listening to the VBAC Link Podcast (another huge recommendation--for all pregnancies, not just VBACS) pretty religiously and doing so.much.research. I wanted to do everything I possibly could to avoid a repeat c-section. Hypnobirthing book, low-intervention labor class with Austin, and nightly meditations. I felt ready. So ready. 

Then he wouldn't come. And wouldn't come. And wouldn't come. 

On 7/2/20 I woke up around 2:30 with a crying Harriet. Contractions kept me awake after that. I lost my mucous plug around 3:50 am and was SO excited. I remember literally crying "THANK YOU" in the bathroom. I couldn't go back to sleep--I even put on my fake eyelashes and sent a "this is it!" Marco Polo to the gnomes. My contractions were about 3 minutes apart when I got in the bath around 5 am. I told Austin when he woke up that today was the day! He texted work, and I texted my mom and sister. I was about to have Austin call his mom to come over because I was now getting worried that this was going to happen pretty quickly. I decided to get out of the bath and get dressed first. Once I got out, everything stopped. Chelsea was getting induced that morning, so she called and I went walking with her to try and get things going again. By noon, labor had completely come a dead stop. 

My emotions were out of control. My pregnancies are physically so hard. My SPD or PGP (whatever you want to call it) had made basic life so hard and painful. I was so done and had gotten so hopeful to only have it all come crashing down. 

Austin gave me a blessing around 1:30 pm (I did take some pregnancy journal notes in my phone luckily so I could remember all these details!).

"I was an absolute emotional basket case. One sweet moment was when I was in my bedroom crying on my exercise ball when Amelia crept into my bedroom and silently came behind me and started playing with my hair. It was the sweetest gesture. She knows me all too well. It really calmed me down, too. I gave her a big hug. Back to the blessing--such a calm reassurance that this baby will come. And my body will know what to do. Austin got emotional talking about this magical baby boy that is joining our family who will bless our lives so much. He is super special, and I felt so much love for this little babe. He blessed me to feel Heavenly Father's love, too. He blessed my mind and my heart. I started to feel a lot more calm and patient--that things will work themselves out. Didn't stop me from feeling ultra tired and emotional. "

7/3/20 "Labor still completely disappeared. Kids slept over at Jessica’s last night. I ended up taking a unisom just to get some rest. Jessica kept the kids all day long which was so nice. Austin and I just hung out, got food, did everything to start labor, including going to a chiropractor appointment in St. George. And I cried a looooooot. I feel like I’m in such a weird limbo. Not in labor anymore, but feeling normal either. My mental state is a joke. "

7/4/20 "Didn't sleep again last night. Walked laps in our backyard at like 3 am and had some major crying/prayer sessions. We still managed to have an ok 4th of July. Kids rode with grandpa and Austin on the 4wheeler and dirtbike in a homemade non-official parade (everything cancelled because of COVID). We went back to gma and gpa Gifford's for blue pancakes, strawberries, and whipped cream for breakfast. yum, yum. I'm feeling completely 'normal.' Just tired and sad. The afternoon dragged on because we hadn't really made any plans. Beecher clan came over around 5:30 for a BBQ dinner (Peggy brought all the food--she is wonderful!) so that was fun. Ended the night watching fireworks at three falls park. Austin lit 5 leftover big ones he had from last year. He was very, very sad about no new fireworks this year. We went to bed hoping the full moon would pull this baby outta me. Nope. But at least I slept well (as good as I possibly could)."

7/5/20 "Sunday. Finished reading my scriptures for the week and felt a change of heart this morning. Alma 26:27 “... bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” I can’t keep living with this “almost labor” looming over my head. I’m absolutely miserable and have NOT been bearing my afflictions with patience or grace at all. Took a bath and listened to my Come Follow Me podcast and decided to try better this week. To adjust my thinking that I could still be pregnant for another week. Or more. My shift really helped this morning as I showered and prepped for home church. But I’ll admit, by late afternoon I could still feel the tears coming. Gahhh it’s hard! And I know I have SO much to be grateful for. I really do. 4:30 pm started feeling nauseous and fractious. Laid down and had Austin make me plain shaved ice. That seemed to help. Not sure where that nausea came from. But planning this week is just not fun since I still feel in such a limbo. Austin will go back to work tomorrow unless something happens in the night. And I’m just feeling depressed about the whole thing still. Also very low in energy. The house is a mess and I’m really not wanting to do any of my normal Monday cleaning. How does our house always get so trashed on Sundays?"

7/6, 7/7, 7/8

"Sigh. Checkup on the 7th. No progress—just the same. Trying to stay positive. Will have random very light cramps/contractions off and on, day and night. Over it!"

7/9, 7/10 

"Went to bed Thursday with some contractions that felt a little more productive. Can’t sleep. Not too intense, but bothersome and I just feel restless."

7/14/20 Induced. Birth story to come. 

By the time my appointment came around on the 13th along with my NST and AFI tests for baby (which he passed), I was ready to be induced. Another doctor tried to get me to get induced the week before, but I just didn't feel full support from her--I'm sure it would have been fine, but with my anxiety and fear over getting my VBAC, I just needed Dr. Chalmers. He was on for delivery the next day, or I'd have to wait another couple of days until he was back on. I decided to sign up for the next day, the 14th. Such a huge relief to see an end in sight. 

I had originally wanted to do as low-intervention induction possible, starting with a foley bulb and low pitocin, but I was already dilated past a 3, so I didn't need that. We got checked in and started the Pit around 10:40. I had wanted to back off it once my labor started, but I honestly didn't really have time (or the capacity to express that once I hit those really hard transition contractions---sheesh, I could really have used a doula). I was at a 4 when they broke my water around 12:30. Baby boy was born at 2:41 pm--just two hours later. 9 lbs 13 oz and 20" long. 

The first half was great--I got to soak in the tub with my monitors on--we had some good tunes playing. It was just such an ordeal to move around with all my hook-ups. It sounds like the ultimate birth--I got my VBAC, I was in labor for literally 4 hours from the time they started Pit to birth. Looking back though, I've had to process a lot of emotions from this birth as well. It was so hard. That last hour and a half was absolutely excruciating. I was wishing I had gotten an epidural so badly. They didn't turn down my Pit at all, so that transition was more than I could take. I was hoping for a birth like Henry's. Unmedicated and beautiful. But oh boy, I think I still regret not trying an epidural. I remember literally pleading for ancestral angels to come and help me because I felt so trapped--I couldn't talk. I remember screaming that I couldn't do it. Austin and my nurse cheered me one. Another angel nurse literally saved me with counter pressure on my knees. I was yelling for Dr. Chalmers. He FINALLY got there, and Charlie was out in one push. I had lost my ability to breathe through contractions a long time ago. I was letting pushes come, but feeling them in my face. All my hypnobirth prep went out the window--it was ever thus. 

None of that mattered anymore because he was finally OUT. I was in shock and kept making these weird whimper cries. He peed all over the dr and me--SO much pee. We joked that if they would have weighed him first, he would for sure have been over 10 lbs. This chunky little baby was sitting on my chest. I honestly couldn't even process it. He was perfect. Austin did a good job being supportive and capturing some good moments on camera. I couldn't have done it without him. He got to hold him while they stitched me up, and oh boy these were my most painful stitches yet. I tore pretty weirdly, including a laceration on my labia he couldn't really stitch up. (more on that later). Transferred to mom/baby and finally just got to snuggle our yummy baby. We checked out of the hospital the next day and took him home to meet his brother and sisters. Oh, and we finally decided on Charlie Darwin by 8 pm on the day he was born. 

Some pics: 

So glad we finally got you out, Charlie D! My dr. said there was a large cyst on my vaginal wall that he had to cut open during birth--that could have been what kept stalling my labor. Who know. He may never have come out on his own. My healing has been really rough with this last birth. My stitches ripped out on day 2 or 3 and the doctors said the tissues were too thin to try and stitch it back together. I also had some tissue granulation (like I had with Amelia) that had to get burned off at about week 2. I've got a lot of painful scar tissue going on--we may have to surgically go in and clean that up someday in my future, so that should be super fun! I just don't think my body was made for birth. But I can truly say that every birth has been SO different. 1. Failed epidural 2. Unmedicated birth in a birthing suite 3. Emergency C-section 4. Induction. I'm good with 4... 

We are all obsessed with Charlie. I love this dang baby so much!!

Boom--now I can retire this blog without feeling guilty that my last baby never got a birth story. 

Noice. 

Harriet Aleath Beecher

I have got to write down Harriet’s birth story before I forget all the little details. And apparently I only blog anymore when I have a baby… the last time was literally Henry’s birth story (here--which is what I was hoping to have a repeat of!), but apparently my girls like more of a dramatic entrance (Amelia’s birth story here). Well, where to begin…

Harriet is our little miracle baby. We have seen so many tender mercies throughout this whole experience. I had been wanting Harriet to show up early, but then the weekend I wanted her here, I got a nasty cold! I was seriously so mad! I had a sore throat I was trying to fight off, but the night before Harriet was born, it moved down into my chest. I started feeling those mild period-like cramps on Monday evening, Sept. 11 around 9 pm. I had those cramps/contractions all night--enough to keep me awake, and by midnight I texted my school secretary and my maternity sub that I was 98% sure I wouldn’t be at school the next morning. I was also awake starting to really cough and cough. I was lathering my throat and neck with oils, had some diffusing, spraying my throat with chloraseptic--literally anything I could think of to stop this cold in its tracks! I think I maybe got 2 hours of sleep that night. I lost my mucous plug around 4:30 am and was pretty sure that this baby would indeed be coming today, September 12.

However, when I got up for the day (and had already told Austin to tell his boss he wouldn't be coming in today), my contractions really started to ease up. I started feeling pretty good--I even curled my hair and did my makeup. I was starting to think that I should have just gone into work after all. I get so stressed about deciding when I’m truly “in labor.” I hate calling it. Well we got the kids up and got Amelia ready for preschool. We dropped her off and then took Henry over to Peggy’s. We then drove over to my parents house so my dad and Austin could give me a blessing. I was getting pretty discouraged at this point about my contractions stalling out. My other labors always seemed to keep progressing. Austin gave me the most beautiful blessing. He blessed me with comfort from the Holy Ghost--and that I would be able to listen to my body and follow its promptings. He also blesses the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff that would be working on me. But he really talked a lot about the Holy Ghost being my comfort--that’s what we both really took away from his blessing. Looking back on that blessing now, it couldn’t have been more tailored to how my experience would end up unfolding. Austin rarely gets emotional, so I lost it at the end of my blessing when he expressed his love for me and how much I mean to him. We were both in tears, and I just got to hug my husband and feel so grateful for him. I sure love that boy of mine. I didn’t know just how significant that blessing would become as the day wore on.

Right when we got home, Austin convinced me to go on a side-by-side ride in the maverick to kick labor into gear. Ha. We were supposed to only go around the block, but then I decided I wanted to see the new golf course they are building out south of Hurricane, so it ended up being a pretty legit ride. Once I got home, I hopped into the bath to soak, and lo and behold, my contractions started back up. Yay! I listened to my hypnobirthing tracks and just tried to relax. After my bath, I told Austin to go get me a breakfast burrito from Alberto’s (that’s what sounded good!) I sat on our exercise ball while I waited, and by the time he was back, my contractions were speeding up--fast! They were consistently 2-3 minutes apart. I called my mom so she could come switch us cars so she could pick up my kids later. Austin still needed to take a shower, so I told him he better hurry up because I was ready to GO! We were hurrying kind of frantically by the time my mom got there. These contractions just really came on so quickly. We headed out around 1:40 pm. Of course once we were on the road, my contractions started being sporadic again. 3 min apart, then 7 min, then 10. Ugh! I kept wavering back and forth if I wanted to go directly to Labor & Delivery or try and walk the temple grounds for a bit. After a few really strong ones, I decided we just needed to go get checked. Mainly for my own peace of mind. They will only admit you to the birthing center (the birthing suite inside the hospital that we used with Henry) if you are dilated to at least a 5. Once they finally got me all situated and checked, I was at a 6.5, but the nurse couldn’t feel baby’s head--only my bag of water. She got my doctor who was already next door delivering a baby (seriously it was so busy!). They did a quick ultrasound and Harriet was indeed, transverse (side-lying). She was head down just last week! I was so angry and pretty much lost it--mainly because I knew that a C-Section was a serious possibility at this point, and I’ve always been super scared of them. Our doctor said she would try an aversion to see if she could flip her from the outside of my belly. I had heard it was pretty painful, but was willing to try anything. She seemed pretty hopeful. So they put in in an official L&D room, but we were all rooting that this would work and that I could return to the birthing center room and move forward with our original plan. Plan? Ha!

We had to wait for a bit (another delivery) for my doctor to come in. She finally did the aversion around 4:30ish? It worked! And it actually wasn’t even that painful. Dr. Walker (I normally have Dr. Chalmers, but she was on call this week, and I decided I really like her) was worried because Harriet was still so high. She hadn’t dropped into my pelvis at all. So she broke my water in hopes that her head would drop and press against my cervix. So they broke the water. Normally this doesn’t phase me one bit. However because baby was so high, they really had to get up in there to break my water. It was weirdly WAY worse than the aversion. Water finally broke and they gave me pitocin to help get things started again. My contractions had kind of stalled out at this point--which is what we wanted since we didn’t want my water to break before we could do the aversion. So my dreams of not having an IV were out the window, but I was still holding onto the idea of going back into the birthing suite and having a good soak in the tub when all was said and done. However, doc wanted to monitor us a bit longer to make sure baby would drop. She was concerned about an arm, or worse, a cord coming out before baby’s head.

At this point, everything moved FAST. Austin and I were alone in the room just chilling through contractions when our nurse came in. She said she was a little concerned with baby’s vitals and needed to check me. She definitely looked concerned, but I didn’t freak at this point. She checked me (again, can I just say how uncomfortable these checks were because of how high Harriet was sitting?) and turned and looked at Austin. She told him to run out in the hall and yell for Dr. Walker and tell her we had prolapsed cord (I guess the call button wasn’t working or something? I don’t remember). From that point on, she did not remove her hand until someone else could take over. Austin did a great job because Dr. Walker was fast. Honestly everything at this point was so insanely fast. I had a billion nurses in my room and they quickly started wheeling me to the O.R. Another nurse took over and had her hand up there to hold Harriet’s head off the cord. Her head was cutting off her oxygen supply. The nurse hopped on my bed on top of me and did not take her hand out until I was completely out. I started sobbing but that started to push Harriet’s head down more, so I had to try and remain so calm. I just remember thinking about my blessing from earlier about being comforted--that really helped. I felt like I was on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy because everyone was so frantic. Austin followed us but couldn’t go into the O.R. I was so, so scared. I just remember saying “take care of my baby!” Then when we got into O.R. they tipped my bed down so hopefully gravity would help Harriet’s head lay off the cord. I remember hearing the nurse say she couldn’t feel a pulse. I was so terrified and just remember yelling “hurry!” They assured me they had the nicu team right there ready for her. They finally got the mask on me and I was O-U-T. Poor Austin just had to wait outside the door and some doctor kept trying to make small talk with him.

Next thing I remember was being wheeled back into my L&D room. Austin was sitting there with a little bundle in his arms. It was very surreal. I felt very weird coming out of general anesthesia, and was struggling to get on top of the pain. They told me it took them 12 minutes to get her out and she had an APGAR score of 9--so amazingly healthy and perfect. What a miracle! I guess Austin just got to chill with her for a good 20 minutes or so while they finished working on me. He facetimed a few people--they all got to see my baby before me! It was amazing when I finally got to hold my girl. I was still a little loopy, but I was with-it enough to realize what a blessing this little chick was. The hospital staff and my doctor were so on the ball and acted so quickly to get this girl out safely. Austin’s blessing really hit me hard.

Because of the emergency C-Section, I didn’t have an epidural or any pain medication before going into surgery. So getting on top of the pain was a little harder than a typical C-section. They did give me a nice morphine shot in the butt, but it wasn’t until my pitocin drip was emptied and I could finally eat and take some percocet that I finally felt the edge taken off. But honestly, I was just so happy to have a healthy baby in my arms. My emotions were all over the place. Another miracle: my cold! The one that had me up coughing the night before was completely gone. And it is STILL gone, a week and a half later. I can’t even imagine having to cough with this incision. I’ve had to do it a couple of times, and it was torture. So…. that was a huge miracle for me. No sore throat, no cough, nothing!

The next couple of days/nights in the hospital were rough, but I honestly cried more when I got home--missing the hospital. I wanted to go back so bad. Mainly because I had constant care and could send Harriet to the nursery at night for a few hours to try and sleep. It was just so hard to get out of bed and go to the bathroom even. Don’t even get me started on all the air/gas trapped inside of me from the surgery. I had no idea C-Sections were so dang HARD. I mean, I super grateful at our outcome, but man alive, I sure hope I never have to do this again. I will spare you the details of my recovery so far because they are not so pretty. But I will say this, my family and friends and ward family have been absolutely amazing. We’ve had meals brought in and my older kids have been well taken care of. I couldn’t do it without the help of so many awesome people, especially my mom and mother-in-law.

I was just so sad this birth didn’t get to be documented by my awesomely talented friend, Shannon. We pretty much held her captive all day with updates and were just waiting to tell her to head down to the hospital when we thought things were getting close. But then everything happened SO fast, and she was OUT. And not in the way we expected. So no birth pics for Harriet. That’s what she gets for having such a dramatic entrance. Hopefully we will get some newborns done soon though when I feel a little better. Meanwhile, I am just so, so grateful this beautiful baby girl is here safe and sound. I truly feel so blessed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been pretty discouraged and have had many shower cries, too. If anyone wants the nitty gritty details on recovery or to commiserate, I’m an open book. Meanwhile, here’s some iphone hospital pics we do have.